- Your student needs to have completed their high school education either with a diploma or GED.
- The student must have been accepted by a college or university to receive aid. (They will apply for the aid before being accepted to a school).
- Male students between 18-25 must register with the Selective Service.
- The student needs a valid Social Security number.
- The student agrees that they are not in default of a Federal Student Loan and agrees to use the federal student aid for educational purposes only.
- The students will maintain satisfactory academic progress.
- The student must be a US citizen, hold a Green Card, have an arrival-departure record, Battered Immigrant Status or a T-Visa.
The Free Application For Federal Student Aid otherwise known as the FAFSA report is the gatekeeper to college and university financial aid. Each family must fill out the report every college year. The first time it’s filled out is the year the student applies to college. The reports open on October 1. The application is FREE to fill out for all families and every college and university uses the same application so the application only needs to be submitted one time. When submitting you will select which colleges you would like the report to be sent. Additional colleges can receive the information at any time.
The FAFSA report determines the family’s Expected Family Contribution (EFC) based on several items such as bank accounts, income and properties owned. Students are encouraged to fill out the FAFSA report, but the language and details may not be something the student understands, so parental support is important. Some parents end up filling out the form for their student, especially the first year while the student is focusing on their college applications. But educating your student on financial documents not only makes them aware of your family’s financial situation but also gives them an introduction to similar applications they eventually will take on.
With the inherent costs of college, it’s not a bad idea to talk early about the reality of your family finances and how it will affect paying for college. There is nothing worse than your child getting into their dream school then later find you can’t afford to send them. Letting your child take part in these realities of finances will be helpful to all of you.
Several things are important when preparing the report and I suggest doing the worksheet beforehand. Make sure you have gathered all the items needed before starting as it will be easier than stopping and searching for figures. It’s a good idea to keep a log of specific figures that won’t change such as the year you purchased your home, the price you paid, the address of your employer, social security numbers.
I left myself an entire weekend day to fill out the FAFSA. That sounds intimidating, but it was necessary for me to gather all the info, fill out the worksheet and then fill out the online form. It’s not the easiest process in the world, but not the hardest either. The hardest part for me was realizing that my child was indeed heading off to college.
Once you fill out the report and submit, you will immediately receive an email from FAFSA with your EFC figure. This is the figure the colleges use to determine how much financial aid they might offer your student.
You will need to apply for financial aid each year your student is in college because family finances could change. Make sure you mark this on your calendar. And if you happen to have one student in college, your EFC will change for the second child since you are already paying one college tuition.
Anxiety is an epidemic among teenagers and college students.
In many cases, students are dropping out of college because of anxiety and health centers are seeing more students than ever. The APA sites, “Anxiety is the top presenting concern among college students (41.6 percent), followed by depression (36.4 percent) and relationship problems (35.8 percent).”
So what’s the best way to help if your child is suffering from anxiety?
Talk to them about it. Let them know you understand they are suffering and assure them they are not alone. Encourage them to talk to their friends or roommates. Chances are their friends are suffering too. Visiting the mental health center on campus is also a good idea. Or even the urgent care at school, if they are really concerned.
Often anxiety presents itself with physical symptoms such as sweaty palms, a racing heart, and lightheadedness. It can also bring on numbness in fingers and hands. These symptoms can frighten a student who is otherwise healthy.
My daughter picked up a brochure at the health center about anxiety and the headline read: You Are Not Having a Heart Attack. It then explained the top physical signs of anxiety. She thought it would be a great idea if the college handed out these flyers to all the freshman, since just about everyone she knew suffered from the symptoms.
A friend who is a therapist suggested that sometimes freshman have too much time on their hands since often colleges suggest an easier workload first semester. She said they have too much time to worry and suggests they take on an additional pass/fail classes or find an on-campus job.
Social media is to blame for a lot of this newly brought on anxiety, but so is being away from home for the first time and tougher academics. Anxiety can also be hereditary. This article from the Huffington Post offers a helpful list of seventeen ideas to help with anxiety. My daughter and I are both trying ideas on this list. Just because I’m not in college, doesn’t mean I don’t get anxious. Getting off social media is one of the top items. Not a bad idea for all of us these days.
But please take your child’s anxiety seriously and if you feel it’s becoming a bigger problem than the above list can help with, seek professional help. If you can aid them in managing their anxiety at this young age, they will take those skills with them into the future.
It’s not even January and I have to think about summer?
Yep, now is the time. Especially if you have a high school student and they are planning on attending an academic summer program because applications will be due soon. And from my research, I’ve learned that colleges really look at what students do the summer between junior and senior year.
What if you also have a college student. How will they plan their summer? A college class? Travel abroad? A summer job? And what happens to their dorm room? Most colleges close the dorms to college students during the summer, so they will have to move out and perhaps back home. Is their room ready or have you already turned it into a sewing room? Or has their younger sibling taken it over?
And what about family vacations?
I remember vividly my friend Jenny, who had her kids a lot earlier than I did, lamenting when they were in high school that there were only so many family vacations left. Her words are ringing true as I realize my kids will be in opposite directions very soon.
Gone are the days when both my children are at the same school with the same summer schedule. If you have kids in college and high school then I’d plug in the summer vacation dates now for both. Does your college student start back early August, but your high schooler begins after Labor Day? You might want to know that now as well.
How about college tours? Will you be taking those with your high school junior or senior? Will your college student want to attend those with you? Can you combine college tours with a family vacation?
This is all overwhelming as I try to coordinate college tours, summer academic programs, summer jobs, and a family vacation. Not to mention the cost as college payments are just around the corner. I’ve never been really good at planning so far ahead, but I see the benefits.
So during the upcoming holiday week, I will sit down with my family and try to sort all this out. Perhaps we can come up with a summer plan that suits everyone. Or maybe everyone will just want to stay at home this summer, as it might be one of the last ones at home where we can be altogether as a family.
What if your child isn’t a traditional learner? What if following the path of every other college freshman turns them off? Not to worry, there are colleges that cater to the needs of students who want a more independent academic experience.
St. John’s College with campuses in both Annapolis and Santa Fe offers only one major, Liberal Arts. They base the curriculum on a “Great Books Program” and they have few tests and lots of class discussions. The website boasts that it grants one of the most affordable tuitions at $35,000 per year.
How about Hampshire College, a member of the Five College Consortium including Smith, Mount Holyoke, Amherst, and the University of Massachusetts. At Hampshire there are no grades and the students can design their own concentrations of study (no majors either). It’s a great choice for creative, self-directed students.
Antioch College (Yellow Springs, Ohio) requires that the students hold down “full-time co-op jobs” switching between work and study. This can be great for students who need to support themselves and still wish to get a college degree.
College of the Ozarks is another college that requires the students to work. This time in exchange for tuition. The entire campus is run on solar power and 30% of their cafeteria food is grown on campus. It’s a liberal arts college that is also Christian based.
Then there is Colorado College which seems ideal for the outdoor student who would like to study one subject at a time for an extended amount of time, (three weeks) then have a week off to explore the great unknown.
Cornell College (not Cornell University) in Iowa offers a one class at a time curriculum. And according to their website, the student can immerse themselves in “1 Course x 18 Days x 8 Blocks. The territory we cover is the same as on a semester system. But the path we travel offers an entirely different journey.”
And for something completely different, Hamburger University in Oak Brook, Illinois is run by McDonald’s and based on managerial training. Classes translate into business management credits at other colleges.
It opened in 1961 and every year about 5,000 students graduate from campuses all around the world. China’s division has an admission rate of 1%.
Your student may find an alternative school that feels like home, or after looking at the alternatives, they might prefer a traditional college after all. But this is the time for exploration and with over 3000 colleges and universities in the United States, surely your student will find a school that is right for them.
I recently read the New York Times story, When A College Student Comes Home to Stay. And wow. This would have been very helpful to read when my daughter was in high school. Luckily I still have one more at home and hope my son will benefit from my newly acquired wisdom.
The article suggests many reasons for dropping out of college after the freshman year including; finances, failing grades, mental health issues, and homesickness. But the idea that impressed me most was, “at the end of the day, what your child needs most is practice running his or her own life — and college is a risky place to do that for the first time.”
This rang true because I now understand the main reason my daughter is struggling at college emotionally is because we did too much for her while she was in high school.
She was telling me the other day that now in college she has to make every decision for herself including what she will eat for dinner when she will eat dinner and if she will eat dinner. What I thought would be a liberating moment for her, was more of a stressful one.
These simple choices about food are only compounded as she decides everything for herself. What classes to take, where to study, how to get around campus etc.
I hadn’t realized that while I thought I was supporting her by being on top of her high school schedule and driving her where she needed to go and cooking healthy meals, I was actually weakening her. She needed some training on making her own decisions.
How do I do that for my son? He is a high school junior, so there is still time. The first thing I have implemented is to have him help me with some household repairs, something I wish I had done with his sister.
So when the toilet clogged this weekend, I showed him how to use the plunger. When we needed to change out a deadbolt on our front door, I had him do the work as his dad and I talked him through it. And starting this week I am going to see to it that he finds his own way home from school on Fridays. He can take the bus or the train or ride with a friend. And I think one day of the week, we’ll have him make dinner. He needs to develop according to the article, “skills to take care of himself.”
The article goes on to say that, “students haven’t been given control of their own lives until way too late.” So even as our instincts as parents are to hang on to our young ones as long as we can, we actually need to let go a bit sooner. It’s going to be hard for us, but it will be more helpful to our students in the long run.
As soon as my daughter committed to a college, I was sent an email from the school inviting me to join a parent’s Facebook page. I joined and didn’t think much of it.
At first, parents were mostly discussing dorm bedding and the best type of storage bins. As the quarter began, parents posted pictures of their students on moving day. I noticed a couple of posts about fall harvest festivals and a monarch butterfly festival that looked intriguing. I forwarded it to my daughter who actually went with her roommates and sent me a picture of the three of them with butterfly face paint. I didn’t post the picture.
Three months into the college year I now find myself gravitating to that Facebook page often and I notice others do too. Parents now discuss concerns. What to do when your child has anxiety, a bad roommate situation, not getting the classes they want? The parents rely on each other when they can’t find help within the university.
Over Thanksgiving break, there were endless posts of happy teens arriving back home for the holiday. Those were accompanied by photos of unpacked suitcases dumped by the front door. One single dad who had been posting quite a bit lately was so happy to be reunited with his daughter, his post brought tears to my eyes.
When my kids were in elementary school parent support was a big thing; room reps, cupcake baking, helping out on soup days. During middle school, the amount of parent support slowed down and by high school, the parents were not expected or really wanted to help on campus.
It feels like the parents of the college freshman are retreating back to elementary school where they want to get involved and need the support of each other. Leaving your teen at college is not dissimilar to leaving them in the first-grade classroom. You know it’s the right thing, but it doesn’t feel good having them so far away. I remember the first-grade moms clustering after dropping off waiting almost as if they hoped they’d be called back to take their little one home. I kind of feel that way now and I think other parents do too.
The parent Facebook group has become a support group. A place where parents go to share the joy and sorrows of having a child so far away. Even though the parents are from all over the country, I feel like I am getting to know them. And when I have a concern, I know where to turn for answers because someone else has probably had that same concern too.
My daughter was home from college this weekend and she was in heaven. She was grateful for her bed, her home and most importantly her family. She’s met many students with difficult family lives and realized how good hers was. Her revelation made us all grateful.
At the end of the weekend, it was hard for her to imagine a nine-hour bus ride back to college where she would be crammed into a small room with two other girls. Exams are looming and the food in the cafeteria is starting to all taste the same.
“What would your life be like if you didn’t go back?” I asked her when she started to make noises that she couldn’t. She said, she would get a job and then go to community college. She couldn’t finish the sentence without realizing it wasn’t really what she wanted. Yes, being away from home is hard. Especially when everything she has ever known is at home. But I asked her to think about what she wanted for her life and how she was going to get that. She wants to go into politics. So I asked her if she needed to go to college for that career. She agreed she did.
I suggested every time she thought about wanting to be at home, to think about her big goal and know she needs to finish college in order to achieve that. Don’t think about the comfort you are missing at home, but think about the life you will lead in the future. Besides, a comfortable life would be a boring life and I know if she stayed home and did not go back to college she’d be bored in about a week.
So how do you help your college freshmen get through the rest of the semester?
- Remind them that Winter break is only three weeks away
- Remind them that their job right now is to focus on schoolwork
- Plan a couple of fun activities for winter break, a trip or something local. Put that special event on the calendar or buy tickets for it now, so they have something to look forward to
- Perhaps start planning a community service day for when they return. Visit a nursing home or homeless shelter
- Read one of the books they have been assigned so that you can discuss it with them when they return
- Plan a day with you and your college student, lunch, mani-pedi, bike riding, tossing a football. Something where they get your full attention for the whole day. You will love this too because in a couple of years they may be studying abroad during winter break or off vacationing with friends
I believe freshman are confused as to where they belong. They are living between home and dorm. Let them know that when they are home, nothing has changed, you can still do the things as a family you used to. Comfort and routine are what they crave. Adventure is what they need.
My son is a high school junior and we talk about college in small increments. We are trying to balance his life and not make it all about college, because at some point we know he will be shifting his focus to “it’s all about college.”
So what can we talk about now to plant the seeds so we are not scrambling next fall when he officially begins his college application process?
At a recent high school meeting for parents of juniors, we learned that colleges look at what the student will be doing the summer between junior and senior year. The colleges want to see that the student is either working, enrolled in an academic class, or enrolled in some sort of program to enrich their education.
This is not the summer to hang out at the beach! Luckily our son has already thought this through and is looking into several summer programs.
I have already put the SAT and ACT test dates on the family calendar, so my son can look ahead at the entire year and see when the tests are coming up. Hopefully, this will allow him to pace himself with his test prep and his social activities.
We’ve printed his transcript and have gone over it together. He understands the difference between his GPA and his weighted GPA. He sees what classes he needs to bring his grades up and what classes he needs to maintain grades.
After winter break, we will meet with his college counselor. Since he is interested in perhaps going to art school or drama school, we have encouraged him to set up meetings with the head of the art and drama departments at his school.
He will be able to get their input on colleges which might be a good fit for him. I’m encouraging him to seek out their advice since they know his work better than his college counselor will, even though she did attend his school play this weekend!
As a family, we will determine if we are going to go on a college tour this spring break. This will be planned and booked over the Thanksgiving holiday.
After getting input from his art and drama teacher, he will start working on his art portfolio and select some audition pieces. I know from past experience that if he wants to apply to drama school, he will need a reel and a resume. These are pieces that will take time pull together and I want him to get started on them as soon as he can.
It helps to have gone through this college prep with my daughter. But even if you haven’t had that experience, it’s not too soon to educate yourselves and jump right in!
College Prep List:
- Plan for your student’s educational based summer activity
- Add SAT and ACT test dates to calendar
- Review your student’s transcript
- Meet with your student’s college counselor and department heads
- Think about what colleges to visit with your student during Spring break
- Help your student plan art portfolios or prepare audition materials
How to Use the Thanksgiving Break as a Fresh Start to Set New Academic Goals if Things Aren’t Going Well
I always feel refreshed after a long nap. So I’m hoping the Thanksgiving break can be a long nap for my son. It’s been a tough junior year so far. He took on a big course load, a full plate of electives and two honors classes. He also performed in the school play and one outside play. I think a big meal and a long rest are necessary for him right now and Thanksgiving break is the perfect time for him to reset his battery and get ready for the rest of the semester and his impending final exams.
Not only is it important for your student to study and focus, but it’s equally important for them to have some downtime. Perhaps think of Thanksgiving break as that. Hold off on the college talk for a while. Get their mind off their studies and have them dive into family activities. Maybe an old fashioned game of Monopoly or a family hike. These are their last years of childhood so let them be a kid this week. The time for adulthood just around the corner.
Reading is essential for relaxing too. So in my son’s case, I am going to suggest now is a good time to catch up on his independent reading for school, or maybe get a jump start on that novel that is looming for his English class. He’s not the best one when it comes to independent reading, so we’ll take some reading time as a family this week. We can all use some downtime to curl up with a good book.
So after turkey day, a day of eating resting and family activity, then bring up your child’s academic year. Set some goals, maybe reassess their homework load and extra circulars. Is it important to be on the sports team for the Spring sport, or is that just too much to take on this year? Is it time for a tutor? Maybe the after school job is taking away too many homework hours. Be aware of their schedule, notice their concerns. Let them know you are on their side.
We decided as a family that this Thanksgiving we would decide if we are going to do college tours for Spring break. After reviewing my son’s Spring schedule, we think a trip would be too much and he should spend Spring break completing some extra projects he has signed up for. We all felt a big relief upon this decision and will now plan on some college tours this summer.
Just because our kids might be taller than we are and are driving, working and can do things themselves these days doesn’t mean they have the capacity to manage their time. It still is helpful if someone can access their schedule and look at it with fresh eyes. They may have bitten off more than they can chew and what could be a better time than Thanksgiving to learn how to manage just how much you can put on your plate without overloading it.
Enjoy your time with your students and family this Thanksgiving!
We just had parent teacher conferences with our eleventh grader. It was the perfect time to review his grades since he still has time to improve before the first-semester report card comes out.
His science teacher, who was concerned that his grade wasn’t as good as it could be after the last test started the meeting by saying, “Don’t worry, your parents and I are your support team. We are rooting for you, not against you.”
After spending 11th grade with my daughter being angry at her if her grades slipped because I knew how crucial that year was, I decided it was important to take a different tactic with my son.
Instead of being upset with a bad test score, we talked to him about the root of the problem. He’s got good grades in everything else, so what was it about chemistry?
During the meeting, we asked his teacher to dissect his last test. During that time she determined he had froze on the first part of the test with the multiple choice problems. By the time he got to the short answers, he had lost his confidence and couldn’t even finish the test. Thus the poor grade.
So she introduced some test taking skills and told him to start with by reading the test through first and then start the short answers. She told him to write out the formulas before starting the math problems and then basically do what he would consider the “easy problems”. If he thought of those as a warm up, then he’d be ready to take on the word problems.
She also implemented a plan that he reviews his chemistry every night not just cram for the test. It had been okay to cram for the test last year, but in 11th grade, the tests are based on the progression of the year’s work, not just that past week.
I truly believe we are his support team and I’m looking at things differently now. Generally, we are slowing things down at home. I’m trying to cook more substantial food for him and make sure he has eaten protein before school. We are trying to be quieter in the evenings and have asked him to pick one night a weekend to see friends.
He won’t get in trouble for a bad grade, I had to let him know that. I think he had been afraid he disappoint us which just made the pressure worse. These next two years are going to be hard enough for him. He doesn’t need our added stress.
It’s too late to drop classes, so if your child is struggling, maybe it’s time to get a tutor. Nothing wrong with a little help. Often a local college student who is majoring in that subject is a good choice and more affordable than a tutoring center. Libraries offer tutoring programs for free as do after school facilities like Boys and Girls Clubs.
Keep talking to your student and perhaps their teachers. Teachers love when students come to them. They really do like to see that the student is making an effort. If you have the chance to jump in now and help, you might relieve some stress all around.
Terry’s daughter Ceylon is a talented dancer who chose to homeschool during high school allowing more time for her dance training.
Hi Terry, I am super curious about the process for homeschoolers when it comes to applying to college, so thanks for sharing Ceylon’s story!
First question, did you hire a college counselor to help out?
Yes, we hired a College Counselor. The mother who mentored me through homeschooling made a recommendation. We met with her three times and she was available through emails and for proof reading.
How did Ceylon get teacher recommendations?
Getting teacher recommendations, was tricky. We homeschooled 11th and 12th grade so Ceylon reached out to her 10th grade English teacher from her old school who was happy to make a recommendation. She also was taking classes at City College and one particular teacher seemed interested in her educational goals. She had some reservations about asking him because college teachers often have limited knowledge of students but he had least seemed like the best candidate due to questions he had asked her about her future plans. Thankfully, he agreed.
Do you feel colleges were more accepting or dismissive of homeschool kids or did it not seem to matter?
I would say the schools that have a lower acceptance rate may have been more dismissive of her as a homeschooler. The current school she is attending gave her a dance department acceptance letter about two weeks after her dance audition. There was understanding that she most likely was accepted into the college but official confirmation was necessary. We were not notified of the final acceptance until the day before she was moving into her dorm. My guess is the review takes longer to conduct for homeschoolers.
Did the homeschooling high school classes she took satisfy the needs of the colleges?
There are two point of views among Homeschoolers as to whether to make sure you take A-G approved classes or not, in order to meet the California college requirements. The college counselor advised me that colleges also look at a student’s ability to be diversified in how and where courses are taken. The majority of Ceyon’s (high school) classes were college classes but she also took an online chartered school (curriculum) for a very small part. And, we hired a private tutor for her Algebra 2 and Statistics because she was not ready for those classes at a college level.
Do you think she had a leg up on other college Freshman this year? I bet being more familiar with college campus and classes really helped her adapt.
Ceylon has said more than once she is so happy to have done City College classes before attending her current school. She enjoyed being at a small campus before going to a much larger campus. What she is most grateful for is to have a year’s worth of credits in her freshman year. Her goal is to do college in 2 or 3 years.
Tell us about the audition process for applying to a dance program.
Ceylon did 4 auditions for college dance programs. She had narrowed her college applications down to only schools that the tuition was reasonable because she could not justify us paying a lot of tuition for a dance degree. This was completely her decision. Luckily all of the schools had a Los Angeles audition even if they were across the country. She was able to determine a lot about the dance programs based on what the audition was like. All of schools had a lot of perspective students auditioning with some schools needing to hold several auditions to accommodate all the possible students. Ceylon had done summer intensive auditions so she found the college audition to be very much the same as an dance intensive audition.
How involved were you in guiding her through her decisions? Do you feel like you understood how to navigate this world or since you were not in a traditional high school, did you feel like you had to figure everything out yourself?
I imagine parents in both traditional and home schools have their share of having to figure out the whole college process. Even though we hired a college counselor, I was still responsible for her High School transcripts and a Homeschool description of our program. As the School Counselor, I also had to write an objective recommendation letter for my daughter. The college counselor we hired kept Ceylon on track but it was up to me to navigate my part. Again, Ceylon was very practical in her decisions about schools. She wanted a college with a reputable dance department and not an expensive tuition. She realized to balance the academics and dance she did not want a school with too much rigorous academics.
Any final advice for other parents with children who homeschool?
I felt a huge sigh of relief to know she was accepted into colleges having done our own homeschool. The mother who mentored us had a daughter two years ahead of my daughter who got into all the schools she applied to so they modeled how to do it. I suggest you have someone who can guide you through the process. The greatest gift this mom gave me was how to do a transcript and a school description. Both took a lot of work.
Any final advice for parents whose children are applying to dance programs?
Ceylon may not be the best one to give advise on college dance programs. She is ambivalent about college for dancers. There is a lot of work in a dance program that requires you to complete both dance and academic requirements. The only way she was able to commit to a college dance program was to continue her training outside of college. She recently also did a teacher’s certification program for teaching acrobatic-dance. So for Ceylon’s goals there is more she desires than just the college degree.
Sounds like she is off to a great start! Best of luck to both you and Ceylon.
My father wanted me to become a dental hygienist or a secretary. He thought he knew what was best for me. Those were different times and he was trying to be realistic. He attempted to steer me away from a career in the arts, but I wouldn’t hear of it.
I wonder now if I know what career is best for my kids? I watch them both closely and try to guide them towards their strengths. When my daughter said that she wanted to be a dancer I knew that was a bad idea. It’s so hard to become a professional dancer and you have to want it and nothing else. I knew she didn’t want it enough, but how was she to understand that? I spent a lifetime working with professional dancers and could see that only a few make it. Bursting that bubble was a tough thing to do. But I think she realizes now that she didn’t have what it takes. It’s confusing to her because she has the talent and sometimes questions her choice, but in the end, I think she gets it.
Right now my son wants to be an actor and everyone knows how hard that can be. So instead of suggesting another career I ask him questions like, are you sure you could study acting every day for four years in a conservatory school? After spending a month in acting school this summer he has an idea what that means and imagines wanting more out of his college experience. I also say things like, I can’t really see you waiting tables and going to auditions every day, which is the reality for an actor. He is starting to think of other jobs he could do that involve theater or film. He’s now thinking about set design and directing and dare I say it, writing.
A friend from high school wanted to be a doctor but learned during an internship that she faints at the sight of blood. She wound up writing medical text books. She managed to have a life in the medical field that she loved and earned advanced degrees but stayed away from scalpels. Not everyone can be a doctor or lawyer, but there are hundreds of careers that support those professions.
If your child is headed down a path that you don’t think is right for them, honor their interest in that profession. Research the various occupations in similar fields. Your child might say they want to go into marine biology, but what does that mean? There are thousands of jobs in marine biology. Instead of discouraging them, help them to find something specific in that field that matches their skills. Maybe they are good managers and can manage a marine biology team, or they could teach marine biology or even write about it.
My daughter just met the captain of her college surf team in the library studying physics. She asked him what he planned to do with his physics degree. He told her he wanted to design wave pools. How cool is that? He is taking his passion and knowledge of surfing and applying it to a real world job. That’s how we can help guide our kids. Help them find careers that combine their passions and skills.
You have lived with your child for at least sixteen or seventeen years and by now you probably realize they are not the same as you. In many ways they are, but let’s face it, you are not clones. Now that they are about to apply to college navigating their journey will be different than how you navigated your own.
What if they are not as talented as you were, what if they aren’t as good at math as you were, what if generally they aren’t as smart as you are? These realities might be creeping up as you are looking at Harvard and they are looking at a local liberal arts school.
My advice is notice and embrace the differences between you and your child. You may have thrived in a city at their age, but you might have raised a home-body who loves fresh air and a chance to study under great oak trees.
This is their time to thrive and to shine and your time to support them. If their SAT’s are not as high as yours were, relish in what their accomplishments are. They are individuals and surely they have their own passions and strengths. You can’t put a square peg in a round hole, so don’t make them cram for that AP class if they just can’t handle the workload. Instead nurture their interest in community service or the school newspaper or a sport you never thought you’d want to play.
The differences you see in your child now will only become more prevalent once they go to college anyway. The doctor you thought you were raising might turn out to be afraid of blood. But maybe they discover a love for writing and end up becoming a medical text book editor or author.
Enjoy this time with your student and embrace your differences. The differences might be something that bring you closer together than ever before. And what do you have to lose? College is just around the corner.
My daughter started college classes this Fall on Thursday, September 27. When I tell people that they usually ask, “Why so late? Most colleges began in August.” The reason is that my daughter’s school is on a quarter system, not a semester system. The Fall quarter or “term” begins late September.
The benefits to a quarter system that we have seen so far are that she was able to enjoy a longer summer. She had the whole month of August and most of September at home before heading off to college. In her case, this was a good thing. She was so burned out after high school I couldn’t imagine packing up the car and taking her to college in early August. She was also able to keep her summer job longer and save extra money. But the quarter system had a couple other surprises we needed to understand.
With the quarter system, the freshman are only allowed to take three academic classes. I remembered taking full loads of five to six classes per semester, so when I first heard this I was both concerned and confused.
My daughter explained that the quarter is shorter than a semester, so taking three classes makes sense. The total amount of time students spend in the classroom is the same as if they were taking more classes over more time. In the end, it evens out. My daughter will take fifteen credits three times a year. And if she decides, can add a fourth quarter and take summer classes. In the end of her freshman year, she will have completed nine classes. Her friends in semester schools will be completing eight to ten classes this first year.
Breaks between classes are different as well. The calendars look like this:
Fall semester = 15 weeks
Winter break = 5 weeks
Spring semester = 16 weeks (includes 1 week Spring break)
Summer break = 16 weeks
The average student will take four classes with two midterms/per class. In the semester system, students are given an RRR (Reading/Review/Recitation) week – one week to study for finals. Quarter system students are not offered the RRR week
Fall quarter = 10 weeks
Winter break = 2 weeks
Winter quarter = 10 weeks
Spring break = 1 week
Spring quarter = 10 weeks
Summer = 19 weeks
The pros of a semester system appear to be fewer exams, longer winter break, the RRR week, and a break in between exams. The cons for the Semester system seem to be fewer classes per year.
In a quarter system, the student can explore more classes, usually 9-12. They have a real Spring break between quarters, they get a class done with less cumulative finals over ten weeks not fifteen weeks
The cons with the quarter system are that students are always in a go-go-go phase, midterms hit them over a short time, only a two week winter break, no RRR week, and more exams per year.
State schools tend to be quarter systems, but not all are. So keep these differences in mind when applying to colleges.
It’s almost Columbus Day and I am learning some of my daughter’s friends who went to college across the country are flying home for the long weekend. I know they are also planning to come home for Thanksgiving, so why spend the money and take the long journey now? Homesickness is why.
My daughter who just moved into her dorm last week wants to come home next weekend to see her friends. She is already feeling homesick but I don’t think coming home next weekend would be a good idea.
I feel lucky to talk to my daughter almost every day since she has been gone and my son texts her most nights. I know she talks to her high school friends quite often. Her campus is amazing and there is so much to do and so many new friends to make. So why be homesick? I told her she is not missing anything here. “If you were home now you’d probably just be hanging out on the sofa reading.” “That’s what I want to do!” she said.
According to CNN, “… despite the way it’s coined, homesickness isn’t necessarily about home. And neither is it exactly an illness, experts said.
‘Instead, it stems from our instinctive need for love, protection and security — feelings and qualities usually associated with home’, said Josh Klapow, a clinical psychologist and associate professor at the University of Alabama’s School of Public Health. ‘When these qualities aren’t present in a new environment, we begin to long for them — and hence home. You’re not literally just missing your house. You’re missing what’s normal, what is routine, the larger sense of social space, because those are the things that help us survive,’ Klapow said.”
“He offered another way of approaching homesickness: It’s merely an emotion that comes in waves. ‘Very few emotions stay with you all the time, they come and they go,’ he said. But when it strikes, both children and adults often get caught off guard by it, he added. ‘They think something’s terribly wrong. But it’s normal and adaptive to feel homesick for some period of time. It’s just your emotions and mind telling you you’re out of your element.’”
“‘It turns out, [homesickness is] the very thing that inoculates against a future bout of homesickness,’ Thurber said. ‘By living through a difficult separation, your mind forces itself to cope.’ It’s this reason why experts advise parents against helicoptering their children out of college if they complain about homesickness.”
Kaplow suggests parents stop emailing and texting their students every five minutes. Instead set up a time once a week when they talk. Students need to learn problem solving and suffering a bit can be the best way to learn.
How can you not love it when your college freshman calls you and wants to tell you about her day? It feels wrong to tell my daughter I can’t talk to her for another week. But I see his point, I get it.
The last thing you want to do is to watch your child suffer. And if homesickness is not missing your home but it stems from the instinctive need for love, then us parents are suffering from homesickness too with our kids gone. So maybe the once a week call is good for all of us. As hard as it is to admit.
My oldest recently left for college and I am definitely feeling her absence. I first noticed as my son who is a high school junior was getting ready for school. We both realized how easy the morning routine had become since he wasn’t fighting with his sister for the bathroom. And since he is sixteen, I am no longer driving carpool! Last year my mornings were very stressful getting them both out of the house and making the long drive to school with a car full of grumpy teenagers. So after eighteen years, I now have my mornings back.
My house is now cleaner. My daughter tended to spread out throughout the house with her things everywhere including in my room. She liked to make smoothies and weird concoctions in the blender and never really cleaned up properly. The dishes and laundry have sized down, as has the amount of homework help I am lending in the evenings.
I feel a shift in the house with her being gone but also an absence. It feels like something is wrong, kind of like there is a storm cloud blocking the sunshine.
But I do talk to her once a day and it’s lovely to hear her voice and to hear of her new adventures. She sends me photos of her new friends and tells me details about them. I feel really lucky that she wants to share this info with me. During her high school years, she kept a lot of her friends’ info to herself.
My husband remarked that dropping her off at college was like leaving her at Kindergarten. He wasn’t sure she was ready then and he doesn’t feel ready now. But we did leave her then and we left her last week. It’s the tough part of parenting, the knowing when to leave.
My daughter living away from home is an adjustment for all of us, but it’s not forever. It’s until Thanksgiving and maybe another trip home before then to see her brother in his school play. In the meantime, I am going to catch my breath. It’s been a fast and furious eighteen years. I remember after she was born thinking, okay now I can rest after that long pregnancy. And then the nurse handed her to me and I have not put her down since. Not until last week when I left her at college.
My daughter Sydney leaves for college in five days. Currently, her room is full of boxes and containers. She’ll be sharing a small dorm room with two other girls and has been advised not to take too much. So what exactly is essential?
“I didn’t take anything to college,” Sydney’s dad said last night. “I think I brought a toothbrush and a clock and that was it.” He is not a fan of the two-inch natural latex bed topper that we purchased. A mattress topper is on the college suggestion list of what to bring. Her dad remembered tripping over his GE electric clock that plugged into the wall. He kicked it repeatedly across the dorm room because he had no side table and his mattress was on the floor so the clock was also on the floor. He didn’t even have furniture in his dorm room. He told us this story as Sydney was packing her essential oils.
Sydney found her roommates online through a Facebook group established by the college. She was able to pre-screen and interview her potential roommates. Once they agreed to live together, they put their names on their dorm preference list and the college agreed. They’ve met each other once during the summer registration and have been in constant communication since. They determined who should be on the top bunk, who should have the bottom bunk and who gets the top bunk with no bed underneath based on a roll the dice app. They have also discussed room decor and texted each other pics from Bed Bath and Beyond getting approvals on purchases from each other.
Like Sydney’s dad, I had no mattress topper or pick of roommates or beds prior to my arrival at college. My roommates told me after I moved in, they snooped through my things and were confused when my record collection contained Broadway show tunes and Sex Pistols albums. Yes, I brought my stereo and record collection to college. We all did, so we had four stereos in our dorm room. I was relieved that my roommates didn’t have unicorns and rainbow posters on the walls, I didn’t really care what their music preferences were.
The important thing is that our children will sleep well. If the mattress topper and essential oils will help with that, then I am all for it. A touch of home doesn’t hurt, but starting fresh in a new place with new friends will be the true test of the freshman year. Fastweb has a pretty comprehensive list of what to bring to college, but be prepared, there is a lot more on it than a toothbrush and alarm clock!
My daughter Sydney starts college next week and after spending two years helping her get to this point I thought I knew everything about the admissions process, but I don’t. Last week something I had never heard of came to my attention: Instant Decision.
The CollegeBoard doesn’t talk about Instant Decision on it’s website but grownandflown.com writes, “Instant Decision Day (or, as some call it ID Day) is a chance for high school students to reduce the entire admissions process (including, in some cases, financial or merit aid) to one day.” Not all colleges and universities offer this option so look on their individual websites to find out. Bard College does and calls it Immediate Decision.
Bard’s Immediate Decision Plan (IDP) requires an online reservation for a November in-person interview and a completed Common Application. The student is also required to read several assigned texts and participate in a seminar on interview day. That evening faculty discuss the interviews and a decision will be sent out the following business day. So if your student’s Bard interview is November 3, they will know if they are excepted as early as November 5. Now that is instant!
Other options for sooner decisions include Early Action(EA) and Early Decision(ED). According to the CollegeBoard, “early decision plans are binding — a student who is accepted as an ED applicant must attend the college. Early action plans are non-binding — students receive an early response to their application but do not have to commit to the college until the normal reply date of May 1.”
Binding means that with an early decision, you agree to go to that school school no matter what the financial aid package , if any, has been offered. Non-binding means you agree to go to that school only if the financial aid package works for your family.
Before deciding on early decisions, make sure the school is the right one for your student and your family before committing. We might have chosen Immediate Decision if Bard was the right school for Sydney.
Here is a breakdown of all the decision options:
Apply to as many schools as you like
Application due January/February
Acceptance in March
Commitment by May 1
Early Decision I
Allows you to only apply to one school Early Decision
Application due early December
Acceptance in January
Commitment several weeks later
Withdraw offers from other schools
Early Decision II
Allows you to only apply to one school Early Decision
Application due in January
Acceptance in February
Commitment several weeks later
Withdraw offers from other schools
Early Action I
Apply to as many schools as students like
Application due December
Commitment by May 1
Instant Decision /Early Action II
Decision based on interview in November
Decision made within 48 hours
Commitment date set by college
Binding/non-binding determined by college
Junior year is already off and running in the direction of college prep. On the first day of art class of eleventh grade my son’s art teacher passed out contact info for college art advisors. These advisors will look at portfolios and help get students in shape to apply to art school. They will also suggest which art schools are the best fit.
Next week on my parent’s calendar is a meet-and-greet with the high school college counselor. At this meeting parents will hear about the differences between private and state schools, liberal arts vs. universities. We will be introduced to FAFSA and the CSS and learn when our student needs to sign up for SAT and ACT testing. And we will be able to ask questions from a number of representatives from different local colleges and universities.
Our students will begin meeting with their college counselors mid-November. A weekly meeting will be built into their school schedule. During these meetings the students will become familiar with the Common App and start to work on their college essay. A first draft will be due by Spring break.
This spring my son has the option of taking a trip with the eleventh grade to visit colleges along the California coast. Not all students will sign up for this trip, but it will be available to those interested. It’s a great way to see the schools at an affordable price.
I am starting to think about spring break and if we need to do an east coast college tour with my son. From experience, I know it’s something to start planning early. When I took my daughter it was sometimes challenging to book tours, they filled up quickly. So if you are thinking about a spring college trip, start planning now!
My daughter still has not left for college, her school starts in a couple of weeks, so I was hoping for a bit of a breather before getting my son ready. But I know what planning lies ahead and the next two years will be filled with college talk. I’m looking forward to her return trips home so she can relay her wisdom to my son. And I dream of them both attending the same university just as they attended the same high school. But they are different individuals and there are over 3,000 colleges and universities in this country. The chance that they will end up in the same place is slim.
In the meantime, I am opening up my calendar and speckling it with college councilor meetings and college tours. Here we go again!