independence

Checking in With Your College Freshman Half Way Through Their First Year

My daughter has been in college for 168 days, but she’s home today. Asleep on the sofa. It’s eleven o’clock in the morning. She woke up about an hour ago, came downstairs and immediately curled up on the sofa under a blanket she crocheted this summer and fell asleep again. 

She was up late last night studying, turning in a paper due at midnight which she uploaded to her professor. I think she might have stayed up after that as I saw the light on in her room as I passed by in the wee hours of the morning. She didn’t want to tell any friends she was back this weekend. She wanted to relax, read, take a bath, walk on the beach, “be quiet and reflect”, she said. All the things she missed most about being at home. 

Academically she is doing great, stimulated, challenged, working very hard and feeling proud of her good grades. Socially she has made friends and has learned to pick who she wants to spend time with. She realizes her time is valuable and she can’t afford to give it all away. She’s been athletic, taking advantage of the jogging paths, yoga classes and lap swimming the school has to offer. Not to mention the hikes between classes and the five flights of stairs she walks up several times a day to her room. Her dorm has no elevator. She probably hasn’t been in better physical or mental shape ever. 
But she misses solitude. Time to think. She is surrounded by people always. Even when she finds a cozy spot in the library to study, there are people nearby. She shares a dorm room with two roommates, so someone seems to always be in the room, there is really no place to be quiet. 

She has noticed kids dropping out already. Her neighbor just never came back to school after a long weekend. Another kid decided he wanted to become a fireman and dropped out to pursue that dream. Some just couldn’t take being away from home or the academic load and quit. School it turns out is not for everyone. 

It’s hard balancing all of these things on your own as an eighteen-year-old. Some thrive being away from home and exploring their independence. Some just want to be at home with their cozy pets and their childhood comforts. It’s hard to watch the transition into independence and as a parent I kind of want her to stay at home. But I know she needs to figure out how to live on her own and juggle the many aspects of life and to figure out how she can find solitude in a busy world. But for now I am happy to watch her curled up on the sofa under her favorite blanket she designed which fits her like a cocoon because when she is ready, I know she will emerge as a brilliant butterfly. 

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